Emȏna durmati, saḿsāra bhitare, pȏd̯iyā āchinu āmi,
tava nija-jana, kȏno mahājane, pāṭhāiyā dile tumi.

I am a wicked mind, fallen in this material world. You have sent a pure and elevated devotee. Who is he? My Gurudev. Who has sent? Gauranga Mahaprabhu has sent. Bhaktivinoda Thakur has written this. Highest subject Gauranga Mahaprabhu sent His own person. This is quite true for me. My Gurudev arrived at my place. He stayed at the place of my uncle’s advocate who was a disciple of Gaudiya Math. I did not know before that he was the disciple of Math. Guruji came there and that became favorable to me. I never went to the house of that devotee before. That time I went there and saw Guruji. He was so affectionate to me. I listened to his harikatha but that time I could not understand it. So many people were there. I used to listen to his harikatha standing there. My friend also used to listen. But I could not understand the language of Gaudiya Math. ‘Antaraṅgā śakti’, ‘bahiraṅgā śakti’ what he was saying, I did not understand. I never had listened to such topics before even in college. But now I also speak the same thing. I did not understand anything but I could understand that he is a Krishna-bhakta (Devotee of Lord Sri Krishna) and if I want Krishna-bhakti I need to go to him.

The ontological aspects of Lord are difficult to understand. Even if he was speaking in Bangla, I could not understand. Then Guruji told, “I am going to so and so village, you come there. We will go by boat crossing the Brahmputra River”. I did not reply anything to him. I knew my father would not give permission to go. And would I go without permission? So out of fear I could not speak anything. All went to see off Guruji but I did not go because I had the fear that if he would ask again to go along with him then what would I reply? Though, I was very much perturbed and wanted to go but I could not. I used to write letters to him and he used to reply me on Radhamohan Prabhu’s address. Guruji told me in letter that he would stay in Kolkata for some time. In my pūrvāśrama (in the āśrama before brahmācarya āśrama), I did not go to places like Kolkata or Barrackpore etc. When Guruji was at 8, Hazra Road, I went there and told him that I did not like material world because it is temporary. No one would stay here, eternally. In Goalpara he told me to read ‘Jaiva Dharma’. When I asked for that book the librarian got surprised. He told that no one had asked for it before. By reading ‘Jaiva Dharma’, whatever doubts I had, all went away. I had many questions, which got answered. Again, I went there (Kolkata), no one in my house knew it.

I told, “This material world is non-eternal, everything is temporary here. From where everything come and go. Day becomes night, I do not like anything. I feel I leave this material world. But..”

“But what?”

“I have enjoying tendency also. I have both the things together. Is it okay to leave material world in this situation?”

Who is Guruji? Guruji was sent by Gauranga Mahaprabhu Himself just like He had sent Bhaktivinoda Thakur. Guruji came in his disciplic succession.

Guruji replied me, “There are defects in everyone. Every person has more or less enjoying tendency. There is nothing to be worried about. Take absolute shelter to the Lord Krishna. He is All-powerful. He will remove all weakness from your heart. Do not fear.”

I asked, “Then should I leave material world.”

He replied, “Yes.”

Then again a thought came in my mind, “My father loves me so much. Sometimes he scolds me but he feeds me so lovingly. If I leave him then would I not incur sin?”

Then Guruji replied me, “We all read Gita but we do not have faith in those teachings.

sarva-dharmān parityajya
mām ekaṁ śharaṇaṁ vraja
ahaṁ tvāṁ sarva-pāpebhyo
mokṣhayiṣhyāmi mā śhuchaḥ
(Srimad Bhagavad Gita 18.66)

Krishna says, “Even if you leave all your duties and come to Me I will make you free from all the sins.” When Arjun was not willing to kill his relatives for kingdom, then Lord told him, “Who are you to kill anyone? I have already killed everyone. Behold My viśvarūpa (the gigantic form of the Lord). You are only instrumental, why you understand yourself a cause for it, falsely? Even someone comes to Me leaving all the duties of varṇāśrama-dharma then also I make him free from all the sins. You are from Me, you are in Me and you are for Me.”

Then I asked, “Should I come?”

“Yes”.

“Should I bring mattress with me?”

“No need to bring mattress.”

“Should I run away from my house?”

“Yes.”

I ran away from my house and came to Math. You have books of Bhaktivinoda Thakur. You read them. He is personal associate of Gauranga Mahaprabhu. Mahaprabhu Himself came as Bhaktivinoda Thakur. We need a devotee more than even we need Lord. We get devotion through a devotee only. ‘Emȏna durmati, saḿsāra bhitare………. bhakativinoda, kā̃ńdiyā kā̃ńdiyā, āpana kāhinī bôle.’ I did not even hear the name of Mahaprabhu before. I did not know even Gaudiya Math. Do not know from where Guruji came and he brought me here. So, Lord showers His mercy through His devotee only.